Marlene Rita Rasnick

Messages

1. February 14, 2011

   Lovely Day

   I never wanted to sit here and be that cliche.I never meant to allow that river to flow back into my heart.
   But I came so close just to allow things to fall back apart.
   And I know there is a change, because when I see myself now,
   I know I see someone whose worth it
   I see someone with a charm and smile that could light up the room
   I see the possibilities that seem to be intangible to me
   I never meant to sit here on February 14th and let
   those feelings consume me
   That’s not the kind of me I want to be
   But they did, and here I am wishing things could be any other way
   than they way they are with me; without you
   And I am trying to be bigger than that
   I am trying to see more than just this
   I am trying to allow myself to grasp more
   than what I just see and be more than what
   I know I can be… I am trying Lord I know I am trying
   more than I ever used to be!
   So, maybe it’s okay that even on this lovely
   February day, I sit here and allow that river
   to flow back into my heart. To wash away the
   frustration it is in being me. To clear away the ice
   I’ve let come over me. Then I see you face and it clears my mind and I know you would want better for me. So I breath, again. And, I breath and it’s because I knew you that I know I can keep going on. Love you tons still.
   I did not mean to feel this way. Then I see your face. I see your eyes that know me so well. And, I can’t stop, I can’t stop the flow of that river from my eyes. When I feel like my life is hitting a wall and I knew you would help me through if you were here… if you were here. Then the ache in my heart is too deep too painful.

   Cupcake

2. January 2, 2010

   Spent the day in the car driving back up North. But, thinking of you and missing you! Thinking of Lee-Lee and parties in your honor! Mom gave me the Marlene mug and I am drinking tea tonight in it! I love you so, and today especially wish you were here to talk to me. I love you.

   Anonymous

3. November 18, 2009

   Miss you still

   If you could see me know, what would you say? Would your words work their way through my heart the way they always do? My tears now are not in fear and sorrow but wash me through with comfort and memories of you. My tears now they fill me up with feelings and moments that I can’t forget. With voices and emotions that only you could bring to me. My tears tonight are not in sorrow and sadness. They help me feel the root of our love. They bring me to sweetness and they ease my fears. No my tears are not of sadness, they help to bring me peace. In your love I live. In your love I laugh. In your love I smile. In your love forever and always. It was something I said to you once, and now I remember why. I love you.

   cupcake

4. November 18, 2007

   One more thing I remembered

   Hold my hand. You always held mine tight. You led me to through the garden showing me the colors of life.
   Hold my hand in yours. You always led me right. Listening to my cry and whine all night, you could just sit there and hold my hand; it would be all right.
   Hold my hand tonight. You always hold me right. Give me strength to make it through the night.
   I held your hand last night; the final kiss goodnight. You gave me strength and I tried to return this favor to you as you slipped away from me. I always hold your hand in mine. Hold my hand so tight.

   your cupcake

5. November 18, 2007

   One more year

   I know now what I have. It’s because of you.
   I dont know what Ive done, or if I like what Ive become.
   You were the little voice always whispering telling me to be strong, and now youre gone.
   Cuz I dont know who I am without you. All I know is that I should try to be the one you saw me as. And I dont know if I could stand another day without you. All I know is that I should. For you have loved me more than I could.
   See I thought you would always be my side, and I refused to let you go. I promised you that, and you didnt know this promise was more for me than you.
   Cuz I dont know who I am without you. And I dont know if I can stand another day without you. But I know that is what I should.
   You meant more to me than anyone I ever loved before. But, you taught me how to trust myself and so now this is what I have to do. Be the person you taught me how to be and be that person without you.
   Cuz I dont know who I am without you. All I know is that I must try my best to be without you. Thats what you would have told me to do.

   Cupcake

6. November 18, 2006

   I am good

   I am good. Just wanted you to know. I am good. Just wanted to tell you. I am good. It took a long time for me to get here, and I am not always here all the time, but tonight I can tell you my heart aches for you, but I am good. I know you would want to know. I know you would care. I am here always and I know you have found peace finally, so don’t worry about me, even if you see me worrying about you, I am good. I will live, I promise you that. I will live to the best that I can, because I know that is what you would want me to do, that is who you would want me to be. As I write this, I feel it; I know you would want me to say it, and it is true I will live, I promise you this. I will do all that I can to make you smile. When you look down at me, I want you to smile, even when I sit here with my heart aching for you, smile because I am good. I am well and I am all of this because of you. Because of you and what you taught me, what you left with me, I can tell you I am good. I love you still. Please don’t forget to smile at me. I promise I won’t forget to write to you. Love, your cupcake.

   cupcake

7. May 17, 2006

   I am sorry I can't let go

   I know you would want me to, but I am sorry I don’t know how to let go. I sit here six years later, and this invite to your garden party breaks me into pieces. I don’t know how. I don’t know what to do without you. I needed you so much. Like air. Like water. Like breath. Like love. I sit here falling to pieces without you. I should be able to. I should be able to see your face and love you still, and let it be. But I can’t. I am sorry, I don’t know how. I break into pieces all over again. I cry like a baby. I am a puddle of emptiness. I am sorry I can’t let go.

   Cupcake

8. November 18, 2005

   I love you

   10-21-01I know there are those things I can’t comprehend
   I’ve been through times where I’ve been trying to pretend
   Am I crazy to think these voices in my head are real tonight?
   How is it I can feel that this is so real?
   I’m certain that it’s you I feel running through my veins
   A heartbeat that echos into the emptiness of my soul
   I know that I am not crazy
   But there are things I cannot comprehend
   11-18-01
   I feared that I would be a mute… a mental breakdown… failure to communicate
   I saw myself with eyes sut tight, a child hurt by lifes tough ride.
   But when they told me you were gone a wail I cried. I sad sailors song-
   – Now here I am four years past
   Not a day goes by my eyes are not dry.
   For when I dwell in places so quiet,
   it’s you I hear pulling me through
   For when I think I shall give up once more, it’s you I hear cheering me on.
   Shall I never be able to let go of this line? Tethered to you so tight. But look, at what I’ve done. You’d be so proud! You’d tell me how great I am. But, you know it’s only because of you. Because of you. Thanks I say, because of you.

   cupcake

9. November 19, 2004

   For You

   My tears they taste like salt, salt like the ocean, huge blue and vast as the emptiness I feel inside without you and the waves they come like the beating of this heart so big, crashing like a shudder, I embrace this vibration that echos through me, is this You? I feel it rattle me like the desert empty arid and dry but you my oasis, but is that You I see out there, as I get closer the wind, tickles through the trees, a ripple then a gust and a push moving without being seen, is that You I feel? My tears like salt from the ocean so vast and cold and it’s me inside treading water for so long, arms and legs so tired determined to stay afloat because if I do is that You I see on the island far away? Swimming I lay in the heat of this hot island sand so sharp and warm upon my tired skin and in the distance is that You I feel reaching for my hand one last time and I looked you in the eye and told you all I meant to say and you only smiled because there way nothing else left to say, the end had come and grabbed you tight and held you so hard pleading with my eyes for I had no voice left after all the tears that I had cried and was it You?

   Your Cupcake

10. November 18, 2004

    Hold On

    I can’t let go I still hold onThe echos of our bond rattle my soul
    I can’t let go I still hold on
    The emptiness of my need it aches for you
    I can’t let go, I still hold on
    For you are my rock you are my light you lead me through the darkness
    I can’t let you go I still hold on
    Forever in my heart you will always be
    and I will pour these tears every year and I will ache with pain in missing you. I will wimper and suffer in agony, cuz I don’t want to do this anymore without you.
    I can’t let go, I still hold on for you are my rock, my light at the end of the tunnel. I will remember you.
    Forever and Always
    Cupcake loves Sugar…

    Cupcake

11. November 18, 2003

    miss you still

    Three years ago today I made a promise and a prayer. Never to let go of someone I loved so much. I looked you in the eye and told you as much. You wouldn’t hear for it. I sit here now three years older remembering that moment, that time that day. Etched in my heart forever a stain you stay engraved in me. You are forever in my heart and soul. Everything I am, because of you. Angel Rays watch over you. Love- your cupcake.

    Cupcake

12. November 18, 2002

    I love you still

    To my dearset Sugar-You are forever in my heart and always in my thoughts. Thank you for loving me.
    Your Cupcake

    Cupcake

13. March 24, 2002

    Last message was from Shelley Ruth Petunia to Marlene Rita Begonia.

    Anonymous

14. March 24, 2002

    you are love

    You were the embodiment of true love. You loved many people and they loved you in return. Your intellect and wit are sorely missed.Till we meet again, love, Shelely

    shelley

15. March 23, 2002

    Cupcake and Sugar Forever

    Cupcake loves Sugar forever and ever…..xoxoxoxoxo. With all the love in my heart your love is deeply alive and felt. Cupcake and Sugar Forever
    XOXOXO Eye Love You

    Cupcake

16. March 23, 2002

    sugar

    To my lovey Sugar love always and foreverCupcake

    cupcake